los angeles domestic violence

Published on: February 25, 2021

Repairing and Rebuilding a Relationship after Domestic Violence

You never thought it would happen to you—but it did. A disagreement with your spouse or partner got out of hand, you were arrested and charged with domestic violence. Perhaps this has happened before; maybe it’s the first time. For now, though, you’re feeling the pain of separation and alienation from someone you love. Perhaps she’s even got a restraining order against you. Regardless of what happens in court, you’re already looking beyond this moment. Once the criminal charges have been sorted out, is there any hope for repairing the relationship?

Or should you even try?

The answers here aren’t simple. Relationships are complicated enough even before they become fractured by violence. That being said, let’s talk about where to go from here. What, if anything, can be done to rebuild a relationship torn by domestic violence—and in the process, what can you do to prevent it from recurring? Let’s tackle the big questions in order—starting with the question of whether the relationship should even be repaired.

Published on: October 28, 2020

Red Flags: Warning Signs that Could Lead to a Domestic Violence Arrest

by Michael Kraut

Domestic violence is more common in America than anyone is comfortable admitting. The latest estimates from the CDC say 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men suffer from some form of intimate partner violence. And over the past few months, reports across the board have consistently told us that domestic violence rates are increasing dramatically due to the pandemic. That’s enough to categorize domestic violence as a public health crisis.

And yet, it’s a public health crisis that is one-hundred percent preventable.

Domestic violence doesn’t happen arbitrarily or in a vacuum. No one simply wakes up in the morning, randomly decides to become violent with their partner, and finds themselves under arrest by evening. There are almost always warning signs or “red flags” that usually occur in advance of an altercation that ends with domestic violence charges. If you can see these red flags and take preventative action early, you can save yourself and your family a lot of pain, heartache, and stress. Let’s talk about some of these “red flags” and what you can do to reduce the risks.

Published on: September 28, 2020

When Does an Argument Cross the Line into Domestic Violence?

by Michael Kraut

It happens more often than you might think. You get into a heated discussion with your spouse, partner, or significant other. Tempers flare, voices are raised, tensions escalate. You’re now in a shouting match—perhaps loud enough to get the attention of the neighbors. Concerned, someone calls the police. Before you realize it, one of you is arrested and carried off on suspicion of domestic violence.

This type of scenario can be baffling, confusing, and frightening—for one or both of the people involved. Perhaps in your mind—and even in the mind of your partner—the two of you were just having a fight, a lover’s spat. Maybe no punches were even thrown. Was it, in fact, domestic violence? Is there enough evidence for the charges to stick? At what point does a basic family argument cross the line into domestic violence? Let’s unpack this question a little, looking at it first through the eyes of California law, and then from the standpoint of real life.

What the Law Says

Published on: April 8, 2018

After a Domestic Violence Arrest: Lessons to Learn from Nonviolent Communication

by Michael Kraut

If you’ve been recently charged with domestic violence, your life could become quite complicated very quickly, especially if convicted. However, this time can also be a teaching moment—an opportunity to step back from this dark chapter and learn a more productive way of thinking and communicating.

The reasons why we humans sometimes turn to violence and aggression are too numerous and complex to explain here—nor are we qualified to delve into the psychology behind it. However, as the University of Michigan points out, domestic violence typically occurs as a repeating cycle, one that begins with a breakdown of communication. It naturally follows that if couples can create meaningful channels of communication, the cycle of domestic violence may be interrupted. The problem in many cases is that one or the other partner doesn’t understand the best ways to communicate—and the resulting frustration may erupt into aggression.

In the 1960s, an American psychologist named Marshall Rosenberg—himself a domestic violence victim from childhood—developed a process called Nonviolent Communication. The underlying theory behind this approach is that humans are innately compassionate, and violence is a learned behavior that develops from the inability to communicate needs effectively. Rosenberg utilized these principles quite effectively as a mediator to diffuse tensions between rioting college students and college administrators in the turbulent ’60s, as well as in peacemaking efforts during the desegregation process of the civil rights era. Since those days, many have utilized these principles to learn to communicate more compassionately and effectively.